At least it is when everything is going right. Unfortunately, that's not how the world works. We're tired, work sucks, etc. and the easiest people to lash out at are the people we love, because we think they're going to stick around.
Before your get to that point, pause for a moment and try this:
Step Four: Practice Positivity
Now, this can be a little misleading. We aren't talking about putting a big smile on your face and faking it. We are suggesting that there's an opportunity to growth in most interactions, and that by taking that perspective, you'll be able to build stronger relationships over time.
Today, we've got three tips for you to better practice positivity.
Make time, intentionally
It's hard to plan time together when you're not feeling great, so try and do it in advance. I'm not talking about every day time, I'm talking about finding opportunities to really focus on each other, no matter the length. That means putting your phone away (something I badly struggle with) and really listening.
Disagree fairly, and follow up
Look, fights are going to happen. How you fight is just as important as what you're fighting about.
When we're heated, it's really hard to be empathetic to the other person's perspective. Get your feelings out without any ad-hominem (personal) attacks, and agree to disagree if needed.
This last part is super important. When you've settled down a little bit, revisit the argument. You can share how you were feeling in the moment and how you feel now, AND you can talk about whether there were more effective ways for each of you to share how you felt in the moment.
Lastly, talk about the past
Just as it's important to revisit how your arguments went, it's important to talk about your past experiences and relationships. Our past forms the lens that we see the world today through, and if we want our partners to be able to empathize with us in our not-so-bright moments, we need to give them insight into our experiences.
Plus, we all get jealous and think up crazy conspiracies about our partners. Admit it. But, we're a lot less jealous when we there isn't uncertainty around past partners, so let the sunlight in.
What an exhausting week leading up to the big Valentine's Day tomorrow...
But you've done amazing work, and you're already on the road to much healthier relationships. Tomorrow, we'll talk about how to set up habits to put sexual wellness on autopilot.